


Valentine's Day

by Sophia_Bee



Series: Charles and Erik: Man on The Train [6]
Category: X-Men (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Charles Getting Uncomfortable, Conflict, M/M, Misunderstandings, Poor Charles, Poor Erik, Valentine's Day
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-06
Updated: 2015-02-06
Packaged: 2018-03-10 18:08:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,685
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3299111
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sophia_Bee/pseuds/Sophia_Bee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Charles and Erik have their first fight.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Valentine's Day

**Author's Note:**

> thanks as always to **lapetiteyoyo** for the quick beta and for assuaging a bit of my guilt over this one. Expectations around holidays can be hard.

Charles sits with the window open, the cold outside air making his fingers feel stiff. He’s dangling a bottle of beer between his fingers in one hand and the other hand is holding a cigarette. He brings the cigarette to his lips and takes a long, deep drag, then blows out the smoke.

“I didn’t know you smoke.”

Charles flinches a little at the voice from the doorway. Erik’s voice, and he knows if he turns his head he’ll see his husband standing at the threshold of their bedroom looking sorry. He doesn’t turn. He just takes another deep drag on his cigarette and stares out the window.

“I don’t, really,” Charles finally says. “I mean, not unless things are very bad.”

There is another long pause in the conversation and Charles can hear Erik shift slightly behind him.

“And this is bad?” Erik asks quietly.

“Yes,” Charles answers, “this is bad.”

“Oh god,” Erik whispers under his breath. This makes Charles ache to have Erik’s arms around him but neither of them move. Erik won’t go to Charles. Not until Charles indicates it’s okay, and it’s not okay. It’s really not okay. Charles swallows down the hurt that is lodged in his chest and blinks back tears that are starting to pool along the edge of his eyelids. His chest hitches and he tries to hold back a sob.

_Please let me get through this. Please don’t break down now._

He’d cried enough in the cab on the way home.

“I’m sorry,” Erik says quietly, and his voice is so heartfelt that it hurts Charles even more. He knows Erik is sorry. He knows he honestly had no idea that any of this was important to him. He knows he should feel less hurt and less angry, but right now everything feels hard and painful and he just can’t find it in himself to turn around and tell Erik that this is nothing, that it will pass. It would be a lie.

That’s not entirely true. What happened is such a small thing in the scheme of things: a misunderstanding; a case of hurt feelings. It doesn't help that everything with Erik has been borderline perfect. Outside of the fact that he seems to have a never-ending need to annoy Charles’ ex boyfriend, being married to Erik, their life together, has been easy. They just fit, so when things weren't as good as they usually are, even over such a silly small thing, Charles mind leapt to the absolute worst conclusion at the speed of light. It was Scott all over again. He’d made the biggest mistake of his entire life by agreeing to marry Erik. His heart was going to be broken and there was nothing he could do.

Now here they are. In the same room but miles apart.

Charles takes another swig of beer. It’s getting warm but he doesn’t care. The alcohol buzzes in his veins but it doesn't bring enough of the numbness he really wants.

“Are we going to be okay?” Erik says, sounding sad and broken. Charles can’t help but turn around at the sound of Erik's voice, and he wants so badly to soothe him. He just looks at Erik’s silhouette in the doorway, watching his husband with eyes bloodshot from crying. The room is getting dark as the sun fades out of the sky and Erik’s face is hidden in evening shadows, mostly unreadable. Charles knows if he could see Erik's face clearly he would see his husband looking utterly devastated. He knows Erik is sorry.

“Oh Erik,” Charles sighs, his heart hurting. “We’re going to be okay. It’s just...I just didn’t expect you to forget and I had a lot of expectations. I mean, every expectation I’ve had since we've met, you've met. Every single one. So when you forgot….”

“I forgot,” Erik says, sounding exasperated “I just forgot, and I was busy, and I knew we were supposed to meet, but I didn’t realize it was for something important to you. I mean, I just didn’t know…”

His voice trails off and Charles understands there’s nothing more Erik can say. Explanations will not solve anything.

This was going to be their first Valentine’s Day together. Charles knows he built it up too much. He knows he assumed Erik understood what this meant to him. It makes sense. When he ended up sitting alone in the restaurant, waiting for at least a text or phone call, and nothing came, all of the love and caring that Erik had been showing him since the day they met slipped away. All Charles could think was that it was happening again. He’d let down his guard. He’d let Erik in, and now he was going to be hurt all over again. The worst part was that in those few minutes he thought this was actually happening, that Erik had abandoned him, he knew that while he was able to survive Scott, he would not survive the aftermath of Erik. This made him feel even worse, that he was so wrapped up in someone that when push came to shove, he felt he couldn’t live without him.

Erik had shown up after all. He rushed into the restaurant, a little out of breath, and plopped himself down in the chair opposite Charles. As he started to blurt out an apology, he glanced first at the flowers on the table, then at the look on Charles’ face, and the smile on Erik's face faded into a look of horror as he realized what had happened. Charles had watched him, feeling angry and hurt, and not in the least sympathetic to the frantic explanation that started to spill from Erik’s mouth.

It all makes sense in the end. Erik’s phone died and an intern had gone home sick. He needed to get some ketamine drip orders in. They had some uncontrolled pain in the PACU. All were good reasons for him to be late. And any other time Charles knows he would have been understanding, but as Erik sat across from him, all he can think of was that Erik is going to leave him. He’s going to get tired of him. He’s going to abandon him. Every single irrational thought collided at once in his head and he couldn't stop them from spinning round and round.

Finally Charles just got up and left. He didn't say anything to Erik, who watched him at he stood up and put on his coat, Erik’s face deathly pale. Charles felt too fragile and too upset to sit there and pretend everything was okay. Erik started get up with Charles but Charles gestured for him to sit. He wanted to be alone.

Their town home was dark when he arrived. Charles went straight to the kitchen, grabbed a beer from the fridge and a plate from one of the cabinets. Then he dug into the back of his closet to find an old crumpled pack of cigarettes, cracked the window of the bedroom and lit one. Now here he is, Erik in the doorway, sounding sad and telling him again he was busy and forgot, and none of it makes Charles feel any better.

Because it’s not really about Erik. It’s about Charles. He might be able to change things if it was Erik's fault, but it's not. This means the ghosts that Charles thought he had managed to excise with Erik are still there. All the insecurities, the trust issues, are lurking, waiting, and just one simple misunderstanding brings them all bursting to the surface.

“I know you forgot,” Charles says, “I really do. It’s just I was sitting in the restaurant and when you didn’t show up, everything I’d feared came crashing back in.”

“Charles,” Erik says softly. Charles puts up his hand and Erik doesn't say anything more.

“It was Scott all over again," Charles says, "and all the guys before him. Everyone I was never good enough for, and I can’t...I just can’t face you hurting me like that. Not you, Erik.”

Erik steps further into the room and Charles flinches. He doesn’t want Erik to get closer. He hates this so much. Hates that his husband feels like the enemy. Hates that he can’t stop this spiral he seems to have gotten stuck in.

“I’m not going to hurt you like they did, Charles."

Charles stubs out his cigarette on the plate he’d grabbed from the cupboard. He sighs heavily and rubs the bridge of his nose with his fingers.

“I know, Erik. I know that,” Charles says, blinking back more tears. “You’re not the one who is hurting me. I’m hurting me. You’re sweet. And kind of crazy, but I always feel loved when I’m around you. I felt like all of this was getting better, that you made it better, but I think it was just held at bay.”

Erik smiles at Charles’ words. It’s the first smile since he leaned on the doorjamb and said Charles’ name in a way that almost broke Charles’ heart. “Crazy for you?”

Charles gives Erik a long look and he can't help but smile. “No, my love. You’re actually just crazy. You tried to kill Scott.”

Erik hurumphs a little and says something about a rash and having no idea Scott’s shellfish allergy was actually serious. This makes things feel lighter between them and Charles feels some of the tension lift.

“It’s just that we don’t really do Valentine’s Day in Germany,” Erik says softly, “I mean, there are shops with chocolate, but it’s not like it is here.”

“Yeah,” Charles says, “we do Valentine’s day. Cards, flowers, conversation hearts.”

“Conversation hearts?”

Charles manages another small smile and his chest starts to feel lighter. Somehow talking about the details of what is essentially a fake holiday is just the right amount of distraction from his emotional breakdown.

“They’re these chalky, strange candies with little sayings on them. I love them.”

“You do?” Erik says.

“I do,” Charles answers, “but please, don’t buy me a case, Erik. I want to let this one go.”

Erik’s face falls a bit and Charles knows his husband is disappointed that Charles is asking him not to do something huge and overblown to make up for his transgressions. He hasn’t really done anything wrong and Charles just wants to sweep this under the rug and forget about it. He hates how he reacted and that it brought up all these feelings he thought weren’t there anymore. He hates that he feels so weak.

“I love you, Charles,” Erik whispers into the darkness. “I would never hurt you"

“I know that,” Charles says. “You don’t need to convince me because, of all the things I know in this world, that one bears the most truth.”

Erik takes a step closer and this time Charles doesn’t flinch. He wants his husband closer.

“May I?” Erik says, asking for the permission he’s already been given, that Charles gave him the day they were married. With everything feeling like it’s hanging in the balance, Erik is asking for it again.

“Please,” Charles says, his hands starting to tremble. Erik crosses the room in three swift steps and pulls Charles into his arms, dipping his head to bury his face into his shoulder, clinging to him. Erik’s arms wrap around him so tightly Charles struggles to take a breath, but he doesn’t ask Erik to loosen his embrace. He just leans into it and the tears he’s been holding back start to leak from the corners of Charles' eyes.

“Take me to bed,” Charles whispers. He feels Erik’s head nod. Erik loosens his grip and his hands go to the hem of Charles’ shirt and start pulling it out of his pants, the backs of his fingers brushing against Charles’ abdomen. Any other time this would send a shiver down Charles’ spine, but not tonight. He feels too washed up and wrung out to want anything other than Erik’s arms around him and the comfort of their shared bed. Charles raises his arms and Erik pulls off the shirt, then his hands go to unbutton and unzip Charles pants, sliding them, along with his boxers down his hips until they pool at his feet. Charles is left standing naked and he steps out of the pants, kicking them away.

“My turn,” Charles says hoarsely. He does the same for Erik, unbuttoning and unzipping until they both stand naked, and something about this moment feels deeply vulnerable. It’s not like they haven’t been at this place a million times before, both standing exposed to each other, eyes roaming up and down each others body, taking in the planes and angles, but this feels different. It feels sad.

“Pajamas?” Erik asks.

Charles shakes his head. “I want to feel you.”

They each pad to their designated side of the bed and Erik reaches to pull back the duvet so they can climb in, bare skin sliding onto cool cotton sheets. Charles doesn’t hesitate to immediately crawl into his husband’s arms and he feels Erik sign with relief as Charles wraps himself around him, pushing a leg in between Erik’s, burying his face into his shoulder, his breath hot against Erik’s skin. He feels the brush of Erik’s lips on his forehead, featherlight and almost imperceptible. Slowly Charles feels the anger and the fear start to slip away. He is loved. He knows he is loved.

They remain like that, and despite that fact that their skin is a little too hot, that a light sheen of sweat forms from holding each other so closely, neither move. Slowly Charles feels Erik relax in minute increments, muscle by muscle, and his breathing slows until he lies in Charles' arms, fast asleep, his body twitching now and then with sleep. Only then can Charles himself sleep. He closes his eyes and drifts off.

Things still feel awkward in the morning. Instead of their usual morning banter and rush to get to work, they greet each other with awkward smiles. Charles still feels hurt and shaky and he can’t rid himself of the feelings that left him spiraling the night before.

“I love you,” Erik says when Charles walks into their kitchen, damp from his shower. Erik hands Charles a mug of his favorite Earl Grey and Charles brings it to his mouth for a sip. He looks at Erik and gives him a wan smile.

“I know, darling. I just...it’s just not going to get better for me overnight. I’m going to need some time.”

“I just want to make it better,” Erik says, and this makes Charles smile. It’s so Erik. He always wants to make things better, wants to find a way to make up for his wrongdoings, but this time Charles has forbid it. For his own sanity he needs to let go of Valentine’s Day and all the expectations he’s held around it.

“I know, Erik. I really know, but please. Don’t.”

Charles watches as Erik’s face falls and his mouth twitches a little, like he wants to argue, wants to tell Charles to stop moping and just make it better. Instead he answers with a simple ‘okay’ and goes back to making breakfast. Charles heads to the laundry room to grab a fresh pair of scrubs and thinks about how much he doesn’t want to be at work today, except it will make a decent distraction. He gets dressed and goes to kiss Erik goodbye, then heads for the train.

A week passes, then another. Things start to feel better, and Charles slowly feels all the things that felt so fresh on that day fade into the background. He makes an appointment with his counselor, the one who helped him get through Scott’s rejections and he’s grateful he can sit in her office on the worn futon couch and tell her that pretty much everything is great, that he found someone and he’s wonderful and loving. They're married. He’s strangely happy that he’s there because of his own demons and not something someone else has done.

Despite asking Erik not to do anything to make up for what happened, Charles lives a little in fear that he’s going to find himself confronted with a singing bunny holding a balloon bouquet or something equally atrocious one day at work, but it seems Erik has decided not to violate what Charles has asked him to do. He does nothing to make things better, but every night he holds Charles close and sometimes when he doesn’t realize Charles is looking at him he can see crushing guilt shadowed in Erik's eyes. He knows in the scheme of things, this is small. He knows that people in marriages face infidelity and dishonestly, and it really was an honest mistake. Still, Charles has hurt Erik and Erik has hurt Charles, and that pain still echoes no matter how much they understand and accept what happened.

Two weeks later Charles is in the middle of his shift when he gets a text. He pulls his phone from his pocket and glances at it. It’s Erik.

_Working late. Want to grab pizza for dinner?_

Charles quickly texts back.

_Sure. Pagliacci?_

His phone beeps almost immediately.

_Perfect. I should be done around 8:30. Drink a beer for me._

Charles smiles. It’s one of their favorite places to eat and Erik knows they have Charles’ favorite beer, which he can never pass up a chance to drink a pint. Or two. It sounds like the perfect way to end a couple shifts, and neither of them are back to work tomorrow. The rest of his shift flies by and Charles ends up showering when he’s done, then changing into a clean set of scrubs from the clothing room. No need to meet Erik feeling grimey from work. He decides to grab a cab to the pizza place and checks his watch. Erik will be there in about a half hour.

When Charles pushes the door of the restaurant open he’s surprised to find it looking deserted for a Friday night. A young woman at the cash register looks up and opens her mouth to say something, then shuts it. The bell on the door jingles behind him as the door drifts slowly shut. The whole place smells like delicious food and Charles’ stomach rumbles. He walks up to the counter and orders a beer. The woman smiles at him in a way that makes Charles feel a little uncomfortable, like she might be flirting with him, then slides a pint across the counter towards him. Charles picks it up and starts to head towards a nearby table.

“Oh sir,” the employee calls out. Charles turns at the sound of her voice, “I’m sorry, the front of the restaurant is reserved for a private party. There are some tables in the back.”

Charles blinks then says thank you. That’s why it’s so empty. He walks towards the back, beer in hand, up some stairs, then towards a table along the back wall. To his left is a small alcove, a room that’s often used for larger parties. Charles glances towards it, then back towards the table he’s heading for. Then he freezes.

Erik?

Slowly Charles turns his head and looks into the alcove to find his husband sprawled in one of the chairs. Charles thinks he must have gotten here earlier than expected and wonders why he didn’t text him, when he sees that Erik isn’t alone.

“Raven?” Charles says out loud and he almost drops his beer. “Oh my god, _Raven_ ”

At the sound of her name, Charles’ sister squeals and leaps from her chair and now Charles sees that Hank is sitting next to her. Erik, Raven and Hank. Erik is standing up and coming to take the beer out of Charles’ hand as Raven throws herself into Charles’ arms and holds onto him tightly.

“I’ve missed you,” Charles manages to stammer.

“Me too, brother,” Raven says, her eyes shining with tears.

“Happy Valentine’s Day, my love,” Erik says, standing next to Charles. Raven untangles herself from Charles and stands with her arm around his waist.

“Erik Magnus Lehnsherr,” Charles says sharply, but not with much conviction. “I told you I didn’t want some grand gesture…”

“I know,” Erik says with a grin. “I just got to thinking that maybe the way we look at Valentine’s day isn’t right. All that expectation around gifts, flowers and romance. But then I thought about what’s really behind it. Love. And not just how much I love you, but all the love we have in our lives.”

“So he called us and we flew in to surprise you,” Raven says, her voice squeaking with excitement. “Happy Valentine’s Day brother!”

Erik shrugs and looks at Charles with soft eyes, full of love. “You’re just going to have to forgive me, I guess.”

Charles offers his husband a mock glare that turns into a brilliant smile. “I’m going to do a whole lotta something else to you,” Charles says, his heart bursting. He's rewarded with a lascivious grin and a wag of Erik's eyebrow.

“And Charles,” Erik says taking Charles’ hand in his, intertwining their fingers and leading him towards the table. Charles smiles when he sees there is a pepperoni pizza sitting on it with the pepperoni arranged in the shape of a heart. And a box of conversations hearts. Charles smiles and a warm feeling spreads through his chest. Silly, sentimental Erik. No gifts or flowers or fancy dinner could possibly be better than this.

“Yes, Erik?” Charles says, smiling up at Erik through his tears.

“We never have to celebrate Valentine’s day again. You know I love you. I’d rather tell you every day in every way I can than hurt you again.”

“Okay, my love,” Charles says.

“I just hope you understand,” Erik says, “after what happened, I just needed to make this one better.”

“And you have,” Charles says. “You really have.”

**~fin~**


End file.
